Not So Great Expectations

Expectations can be risky. “I thought you would….”, “I expected you to….” or “I shouldn’t have to tell you….” can all be signs of unfulfilled expectations. They are, in many ways, our attempt to control someone else’s behavior. We establish a standard for someone else. If they do not do what we believe they should do, then, in our minds, we have the right to be angry, depressed or let down. We take for granted that there is complete understanding when there is no such thing. A friend cannot agree to something they do not know.

Legitimate expectations are stated – not implied. Valid expectations are declared, not manipulated. Rightful expectations are accepted, not imposed. By communicating our needs to our friends and listening to their needs, we establish a common framework for growth in relationship. How many arguments have been caused by unspoken expectations? How many relationships have been destroyed by silence? Do you know what your friends need from you? Have you told them what you need from them?