What's in your toolbox?

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail."
- Abraham Maslow

A Certain Teacher

Steve McDowell was my 8th grade English teacher. He was young, cool and an incredible teacher. He was the one who encouraged and guided my interest in writing. But, he doesn't know. His guidance made an incredible difference in my life, but he has no idea how much he helped me. Who has made a difference in your life? What friend or mentor helped you in a positive way? Has there been a Steve McDowell in your past? Do they know?

Just as we do not acknowledge the impact of others, others do not always acknowledge our impact in their lives. Once we reach the other side, I am convinced that we will be amazed at the consequences of the spontaneous small kindnesses and the benefit of the passing compliments. Someone is learning from how live.

Maybe it would be a good thing to send a note to someone who has made a difference in our life. How much could we encourage someone if we took a moment and simply acknowledged their influence in our lives? Once I publish this post, I know that I am going to begin a search for a certain former teacher.

Still Standing

Have you ever thought about how many people have come and gone in your life? If you think about it, there are hundreds of folks we have met. Most have been acquaintances, but some managed to breech security and become a significant part of our lives. Of those who made the leap from acquaintance to friend, how many are you still in contact with? How many are still friends?

I've been thinking that the problem is not so much that we don't know people; the problem is that we don't know people well enough. Our culture encourages us to stay on the surface and never venture into deeper waters. Since our friendships tend to be more superficial, it takes little to interrupt them. A gust of neglect or a forceful bout of gossip is more than enough to propel us away from one and towards another. Repeat cycle. Remain lonely.

Quality is better than quantity. In genuine friendship, deep is better than shallow and permanent is better than temporary. The quality of our relationships is revealed in the amount of stress and pressure they can withstand. Only true authenticity provides the helpful resistance that makes our connections stronger.

Life Explained

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of this story is: ......... Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

(From http://www.toilette-paper.com/jokes/racial/lifeexplained.html.)

Shhhh!

There are some moments where the best thing to say is nothing. This is harder for some than it is for others - and even harder for someone who tries to provide a new blog entry every day. Yet, words are limited and the search for the perfect answer can lead to silence.

I've noticed lately how often I find myself interrupting others, as though whatever I want to say is more important than what they share. Often I talk about whatever I want to tell and then find myself saying "And how about you?" just before I leave or before I end the call. What new things could I have learned or what burdens could I have shared if I had just listened?

Larry Hagman, the actor who played JR in Dallas, had a habit of taking one day each week and remaining silent for the whole day. I imagine that such a regimen made his speech more deliberate and thoughtful during the rest of the week. For me, I just want to learn to be quiet during a conversation or two and just listen. Listening can say so much more than talking.

Who Matters?

Do you worry about what other people say about you, too? Are you concerned that others are spreading rumors or saying things about you that aren't true? Well, rest assured, they are. Sometime today, someone somewhere will make a comment about you that is not entirely accurate. It will probably not be meant to be malicious, but the remark will not have all of the facts straight. Most likely, whoever hears the remark will not question it, but just accept it as fact. Now that you know that, where is the needle on your Paranoia Meter?

So much of my life has been wasted in trying to correct rumors or track down gossip. "Someone said this..." or "Someone said that ...." It is as futile as trying to put a chicken back together after a weekend with Colonel Sanders...it just isn't going to happen. I have learned that those who want the truth seek the truth. Think about this: Do you really care about someone's opinion of you if they are so easily swayed by a malicious whisper? Do you want your friendships determined by polls? Me neither.

What We Really Need

I don’t need someone to give me all the answers; I just want someone who will let me ask questions.

I don’t need someone who will make things better, just someone who will help me see how things are.

I don’t want someone to lift me up; I want someone who will climb with me.

I don’t want someone who carries me; I want a friend who will walk with me.

I don’t want someone to dress my wounds; I need someone who will share their bandages.

I don’t need inspiration; I need dedication.

I don’t need platitudes; I need candor.

What I need is a friend.