Life Lesson V - "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me"

“My needs are simple.
My wants are extravagant.”
- Miss Piggy

There is a difference between what I need and what I want. Truth be told, my needs are few - I need relationships, food, clothing and shelter. Those are the minimum requirements. Reading them on the screen is sobering to me because they are so minimal and because I have always treated them as “givens.” Of course I have friends, I am obviously not starving, I have a closet full of clothes and I have always had a place to live. But this is not true with everyone. Many others in this world go without one or all of basics. Millions live without genuine friendship, millions are starving, millions are naked and millions are homeless. But that knowledge doesn’t always stand in the way of my quest for more.

So why do I crave all of the stuff? Augustine spoke of a “God-shaped void” which exists in each of us. More often than I would like, I find myself cramming everything other than the Father into that emptiness. Toys, money, power, prestige, success, image, pride, self-sufficiency, selfishness – all of it gets stuffed into the void…but it does not fill the space. So rather than step back and reassess my priorities, I redouble my efforts by dumping still more stuff into the hole. But, it still does not satisfy because it was never meant to be enough. Only the Father can provide what the Father has promised.

Our Lovely Lord was clear in his teaching about the Father’s provision for his children. In Luke 12:22-31 Jesus says,
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”

My disappointment with the Father is not driven by his failure to meet his obligations. My disappointment with him is caused when he does not meet my expectations. He promises to give me what I need – not to give me what I want.

“There is no calamity greater than lavish desires. There is no greater guilt than discontentment. And there is no greater disaster than greed. “- Lao-Tzu

My Fifth Life Lesson - The Father promises to provide for what I need - not to give me what I want.

Life Lesson IV - "Does Bodie fear God for nothing?"

Bode Note: As you read these blog entries, remember that I am trying to be honest and open with you. Please read them carefully. Writing about something I fear does not mean that it has happened or is going to happen, but sharing it with you is hopefully a way to help us both as we follow Jesus. I have seen and experienced personally the incredible damage that misunderstandings and rumors can cause. Some people do not get the whole story or they read too much into a phrase and they end up sharing their opinion rather than the truth. (Sadly, Christians are often the worst offenders because we can express our gossip in tones of empathy or prayer concerns.) With all of that said, dear friend and reader, please feel the freedom to share whatever I really write here and I would be both honored and appreciative if you turn others to this site. Thanks for walking with me!

I’ve thought a lot about bankruptcy lately. Now, before I continue, please allow me to share that as of today Kathy and I are current on just about all of our obligations – and that is in itself miraculous given all of the excitement during the past month. Hopefully the business will continue to grow and things will be fine. But, since we are without health insurance and we are still awaiting the final charges from my heart bypass, there is a little apprehension. Hopefully the hospital and the doctors will work with us, we will win the lottery or I have a rich uncle that I never knew, but there is a chance that we could be forced to declare bankruptcy. I am uncomfortable with the feelings that such a decision has conjured within me.

During the past year of compassionate upheaval, the Father has challenged me repeatedly over what I say I believe and what I really believe. For example, it is easy for me to say that money is not important when I have cash in my money clip. It is easy to say that possessions are not essential when I am surrounded by them. I can tell you that my security is in the Father’s love as long as I have a home to return to each evening. But, when the money becomes tight, the possessions are endangered and the home becomes threatened, it is amazing how important those things grow to be. It is then that I realize that my faith is not as strong as I would like – or I would like others to believe – it is. Like Satan’s accusation of Job, “Does Bodie fear God for nothing?” I am more than happy to love him as long as I have all of the outward forms of success. But lately, he has been taking them away and that has made me reevaluate my commitment to him.

Money is a sensitive issue. If you ever want to test the depth of your friendships, begin a discussion about net worth or indebtedness. As a culture we don’t like to talk about money – except for those who want others to know how far beyond enough they have. We sometimes judge our own and other’s standing by the outward manifestations of success. But, do I really believe that my advice is more credible simply because I have a healthy balance in my bank account? Do I become a better friend or counselor in stride with the growth in my net worth? Is the sign of the Father’s blessing linked to the model of my automobile? Have I really gotten to that point? And is that kind of thinking even compatible with following Jesus? To equate my own worth or my success with something as fleeting as money is not what the Father teaches me.

Satan accused Job of loving the Father only because of the many material blessings the Father had given to him. But, when all of those things were taken away, Job’s love for the Father remained. In the midst of his loss, Job declared, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.” This is the faith for which I must ask. At the end of the story of Job, the Father restores everything he had taken from him and more. But my faith cannot be motivated by such an expectation. I may die penniless. My faith must be grounded in the faithful character of my Heavenly Father.

In the book In Cold Blood, Truman Capote recounts the murders of the Clutter family in Holcomb, Kansas. In the course of the failed robbery, one of the killers, Perry Smith, found a small silver dollar in a tiny purse. He dropped the dollar, which rolled under a chair. Smith got on his knees to pick up the dollar. He began to feel disgusted, he later recalled, because he was crawling on his belly to steal a child's silver dollar. As I see the worry, apprehension and stress that finances cause me, I see myself crawling on my belly – clawing, scraping and straining to grasp that shiny silver dollar that is never enough. Father, please keep reminding me, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." Luke 12:15 (NIV)

My Fourth Life Lesson – The Father alone must be enough. My faith and trust must be in him – not in my perceived circumstances.

Life Lesson III - A Perfect World

I used to hold to this idyllic ideal that one day everything would be fine. My life would be pleasantly predictable. There would be no issues with relationships, no financial pressures and no worries about the future. Then, because everything was fine, I could live in my dream house living my dream life doing all of those things I dreamed about doing. Because everything was fine, I would begin doing all of those things I knew I should do. I would invest more of my time in my relationships. I would write more faithfully. I would be a better steward of what the Father had given me. I would pray more. Because all of the stresses and struggles had passed, now that everything was going well, I knew I would begin living the life I always wanted to live.

Everything is never going to be fine. No matter how much I put off, the days of no concern will never arrive. Jesus says in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble.” It may be relational trouble, it may be financial challenges, it may be health issues, it may be emotional trials or any other of a hundred things. In this world, everything is never going to be fine. There will always be some challenge or dilemma.

So, I am learning that I should live the life I am called to live now. There may not be another chance. If my heart attack had been fatal, there is so much I would have never done because I was waiting for another day. There will never come a time when everything is going my way. But, there will never come a time when the Father is not walking with me. Regardless of my present circumstances, the time to pray more is now. The time to invest in my relationships is today. The moment to give more is this moment.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

My third lesson: There will never be an ideal time to do what is right. I must live obediently regardless of my circumstances.

Life Lesson II - Life Together

I heard Floyd McClung say, “God is not trying to hurt your pride – he is trying to kill it.” God made his move in my life during the past year. 2008 was a year of dismantling the self-reliant Bodie and rebuilding a Bodie more in the image of a follower of Jesus. With the career shift and the heart attack, I have had to accept financial, physical, vocational, emotional and spiritual support from other people. What I now know is that I much prefer to be the giver rather than the receiver of help and support. I like answering questions much more than asking them. When I ask for help, it highlights my dependency on others. Letting someone else be strong magnifies my weakness.

For many of us, self-sufficiency is a worthy objective. We like the idea of not needing anyone. I’m not saying that we don’t care for others nor do I mean that we do not value relationships. But, we do not want relationships to become indispensable. We are happy in relationships that have a definite limits and restrictions. As long as those relationships do not infringe on our independence and autonomy, we are happy. But, when “wanting” turns to “needing” we often turn away.

Doubtless much of this independence is good old American rugged individualism. But such independence is incompatible with the teachings of Jesus. We were created to live in relationship with one another. Luke’s description of the early church reveals the kind of interdependence which followers of Jesus are meant to experience.

“They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” Acts 2:42-47 (NIV)

As I allow myself to rely more and more on my brothers and sisters, I find myself relying more and more on my Heavenly Father. By relying on him and on his children, I am discovering that I am actually better prepared to stand on my own two feet when I must.

My second lesson - Self-sufficiency is incompatible with following Jesus.

Life Lesson I - The Unbreakable Bond

While I was in the hospital celebrating my heart attack, I had a few moments of lucidity. I am still trying to put some pieces back in the puzzle, but there are a few occasions that stand out clearly. One of them was my faithful friend Jon Rolph standing at my bedside asking me if I was going to write about what I was learning. Like an idiot, I told him I would. The reason for my reluctance is not that I do not enjoy writing; instead the reason for my lack of enthusiasm is the transparency that this will require. My heart attack was the proverbial “icing on the cake” of an already challenging year for both Kathy and me. To tell the truth about the lessons I have been learning is going to require me to drop a significant amount of pretense and posturing. But, it is time that I employ a bit of authenticity to share with you what I have learned.

The first lesson I want to share with you is that the Father’s presence is not always an invisible force. We sometimes go all X-Files when we begin talking about the Father being with us, almost as though he is some sort of phantom stalker. There were times when he was an invisible presence. Waiting in the operating room, staring out of the window in my room – those were times when I knew he was there, but he was not seen. Closer than my breath he would stay and remind me that I was not alone.

But more often than not, the Father is present through his children. When I at last arrived home and could lie in bed holding Kathy’s hand, it was to me holding the hand of God. As Joel drove me home from the hospital, I broke down twice as I told him of some of the trauma I had experienced - it was like sharing it directly with my faithful friend Jesus. Because Kathy and Joel have the spirit of Christ alive in them, his spirit could reach out to me through their lives. With each visit, each prayer, each call and each card, the Father was there in the lives of his children.

My first lesson – the Father does not abandon his children.

Yearbook

I have developed an unfortunate habit over the years - I try to forget the bad things that have happened in my life. Maybe I took the old High School Yearbook cliche "Remember the good times and forget the bad" too seriously. I do not want to think of my failures - only my successes. I do not want to remember my mistakes - only my triumphs. I can recall those who I have helped - I try to forget those I have harmed.

All of my life - the successes and the failures, the triumphs and tragedies - all of it is a part of who I am. Through good and bad, the same Heavenly Father works to accomplish his purpose in my life. He loves me for who I am - even the parts of me I want so badly to deny.

Spirituality and Religion

Running Hawk of the Lakota Nation is reported to have said, "Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there." Two recent studies in the online versions of the Journal of Pediatrics and the Journal of Adolescent Health seem to testify to the truth of Running Hawk's words. The studies report that teens with chronic illness are helped by a sense of spirituality. According to the studies, "Spirituality is defined as one's sense of meaning or purpose in life or one's sense of connectedness to the sacred or divine." A knowledge of the spiritual helps to make sense of suffering and place it in a proper perspective.

Modern Christianity is uncomfortable with the idea of suffering. Instead of Jesus' call to die to yourself, many modern churches preach that it is God's desire to keep you healthy and wealthy. Knowing that Jesus died penniless after a horrific death on the cross, it is amazing that such an idea can be communicated with a straight face. Jesus seemed to be unaware of such prosperity guarantees when he prayed that he would not have to drink of the cup the Father gave to him. But the great difference is that Jesus did not sacrifice for his own benefit, instead he did what he did for the sake of others and in obedience to the Father's love. He did not obey the Father to avoid hell; he obeyed the Father by following him into hell. And by doing this, he demonstrates the difference between the worship of self and authentic spirituality.